Colors

I'm Blaxican, and as such many of my white peers look to me as an affirmative action twofer and the de facto voice on all things ethnic. Most of the time my services are needed for only minor disputes or questions; do I know anyone in a Mexican drug cartel, is there any context where tarbaby is not offensive, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was an illegal immigrant, things of that nature. I try to be as empathetic as possible so as to foster more open dialogue amongst my cohorts, since people are at their most sincere when they have no reason to be guarded. On occasion though even I am surprised by the thoughts made immortal by the people in my life. "Dude are you fucking kidding me?" type surprises, wherein I am left in awe of the limitless potential of humans to be dipshits.

 

I was having a conversation with a friend (and by friend I mean acquaintance [and by acquaintance I mean dude I met once {and by dude I meant once I mean a dramatized version of a person I think I saw at Chipotle}]) who told me that, not to be racist or anything, but he doesn't find black women attractive.

 

As an aside I have always found that phrase humorous, "not to be racist but." In between the time when it was acceptable to say "Y'know what? Fuck niggers!" with a hand almost guaranteed to initiate a high five in your direction and the political correctness paralysis we live in today it must have been tough to be a racist. Having to tell the world that one believes Puerto Ricans are kinda loud but fearing the repercussions would be torture, no doubt. Thank god for that phrase, that panacea of prefaces, to give courage to those brave men and women who need us to know that, not being racist or anything, but Indian food is kinda weird, yeah? 

 

Finding the entirety of an ethnic group, who's people can be found in almost every corner of the world in a wide variety of shapes and colors, unattractive is not necessarily racist in and of itself. To me for one to be considered racist one's motives and intentions must come from a place of willful ignorance and hate, or they must be from Alabama. Either works. My imaginary dream acquaintance didn't quite fit this criteria, nor do many of the people I meet who voice similar preferences towards other ethnic groups. Some don't find Asians attractive, some aren't into Asians, and others just plain don't like Asians. Regardless of the nonsensical nature of their preferences said people are more victim of social conditioning, advertising firms, and lack of diversity in their own neighborhoods than they are outright racists.

 

Having said that, DUDE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? People who say they don't find X race attractive are the same assholes who eat cereal with a bagel everyday for breakfast. They look at you with both awe and apprehension when you tell them, cavalierly, that you intend to eat last night's pizza (which was dinner then, mind you) for breakfast. No, I didn't misspeak; this food that is generally eaten after noon will be eaten by me today, right now, for breakfast. Hell, I might even have cereal for lunch because, fuck it, I pay my own bills. Ain't no one go tell me what I can and can not be eating.  Their minds can't wrap around the idea of not only deviating from the gospel of Tony the Tiger but abandoning all preconceived notions of what a breakfast is supposed to be.

 

I read on the back of someone's car once that "Variety is the Spice of Life." Right above it was a Jesus fish smoking a joint and right below it was Calvin from the titular comic peeing on a "My Child is a Honor Roll Student" sticker, calling into question why there aren't stricter laws on the shit one can put on the back of one's car. But I digress. People are beautiful; their skin tones, be they white, black, brown or anything in between, are but different words for a rose. I am certain we are born with the ability to see colors for a reason.