Jesus

Sara: High! How are you doing?

 

Jesus: Great, how are you?

 

S: Fantastic, fantastic. So sorry to keep you waiting, I had to take a call from distribution that just dragged on and on.

 

J: No worries, I understand how it can be.

 

S: Please, please come inside. Have a seat right here, thank you.

 

J: Sure thing.

 

S: You've been waiting quite a bit so I'm going to be very blunt and cut to the chase; the reason we called you in for an interview is because you have one of the most impressive resumes we have ever seen.

 

J: Aww shucks, I'm blushing.

 

S: I don't mean to speak in... what's the word, hyperbole? But seriously, your resume reads like a 'what-to-do' for aspiring Best Buy Team Leads. The extensive experience working our Jasper store, sensitivity training you volunteered yourself for, and dying for our sins after being wrongfully sentenced by Pontius Pilate are all huge pluses.

 

J: You are too kind.

 

S: Plus I haven't seen many people pull off Comic Sans on their resume, but I would expect no less from the Son of God.

J: Thank you. Well I've never been too big a fan of Times New Roman, or Romans for that matter, so I tend to switch up the font here and there.

S: Your references all spoke glowingly of both your work ethic and ability to cure leprosy. One of your references, John I think it was? Seemed a bit off compared to the other three.

J: He can be a bit over dramatic but he's a good dude.

 

S: Going over your work history I see you mostly worked in miracles between 33 and 1996.

J: Oh, I was, uh, in Heaven serving with my Father. It was an administrative position, mostly paperwork and the like.

S: What made you leave, Your Holiness? I imagine serving as the right hand of God is a pretty tough position to walk away from.

J: Just odd hours, honestly. Mostly because the Sun never sets. Makes it hard to know what time it is.

S: So Jesus, tell me what you feel you can bring to the Best Buy staff? How do you feel you can help this store succeed? I guess what I'm asking is, why should we hire you?

J: Well first of all, I am Jesus.

S: ...

J: ...

S: The Perfect Man, with the perfect answer. Listen, being honest with you Christ Almighty, you got the job. You had the job the moment you walked in this office.

J: Excellent! Wonderful! I am Jesus!

S: However, discussing with my supervisor we feel that you are a bit overqualified for this position.

 

J: Is it because I'm your Lord and Savior, turned water into wine, all that?

 

S: Exactly, exactly. But let me clarify. We like what you bring to the table. We really do. We just don't want to hire you and then three days later you ascend to Heaven or accept a position at Circuit City. It's not very often we get a deity of your caliber wanting to work for Best Buy.

J: I will do whatever you ask using my name, so that the Father will be glorified by the Son... I will do it. (JN 14:13)

S: I don't think that answered my question but I like Bible references. Congratulations, Jesus Christ, welcome to Best Buy.

J: Appreciate this. Thank you so much.

S: We'll be giving you a call some time this week to let you know when your first day and orientation is.

J: I'll be looking forward to it.

S: Um, Jesus?

J: Yes, my child?

S: Just one final question, if you don't mind.

J: Sure, anything.

S: ...so are you, like, your own dad or uh, how... how does that work?