SPOILERS FOR BATMAN V SUPERMAN TO FOLLOW. TURN AROUND IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE AND/OR YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH.
Regardless of how much or little one enjoyed Batman v Superman, one must admit that the spectacle of its release has been nothing short of entertaining. The week preceding and following its premiere was filled with harsh reviews, staunch apologists, dank 'sad Affleck' memes, and multiple fatwas issued against future CGI antagonists. Y'know how at the beginning of every zombie flick they show a montage of shit hitting the fan? People rioting, news broadcasts telling of impending doom, etc. Basically just New Orleans on a Tuesday. That's exactly what the last two weeks has been like in this brave, new Batman v Superman world. It's wild on these streets, son!
While I unabashedly enjoyed the film I will be the first to admit that it was ripe with flaws and missed opportunities. However, the world needs another review of BvS like it needs another poorly realized social media app that serves little purpose beyond supporting this generation's infantile infatuation with stupid pop culture touchstones from 15ish years ago. I've decided to take a break from my busy schedule of uploading whenever the fuck I feel like it to discuss not just BvS as a film, but BvS as an event.
The story of Dawn of Justice is, despite being unnecessarily convoluted, pretty easy to follow. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor work in parallel to destroy Superman, Lois Lane reports stuff, Wonder Woman has the difficult task of looking fabulous at all times, Doomsday is bastardized to serve as the movie's end boss. The complexity - or confusion - generated by the movie comes from both poor editing and expecting audiences to not only be familiar with comics, but to have actually read comics. The former is more difficult to defend than the latter. The scenes where Lois Lane was trying to squeeze info from a military dude (my brain says general but my heart says colonel) lasted maybe two minutes of screen time but was stretched out over 45 minutes. Or the dozens of brief and ultimately inconsequential conversations between characters interspersed between heavy-handed exposition.
Part of the reason the film is seen as inaccessible for casual moviegoers is because elements placed for lore or world building for this film would have merely been a light easter egg in a Marvel movie. Audiences, critics in particular, are fine with Adam Warlock's cocoon showing up in Guardians of the Galaxy or the organization A.I.M. being the front for an Iron Man 3 villain because neither of those tidbits are central to understanding their respective films' plots. But if a filthy casual strolls into BvS not knowing who Darkseid is or that the Speed Force allows for time travel or that Lex Luthor is a mad genius first and suave businessman second? Then they will definitely be lost and confused during critical junctures in the story.
Also, fuck the reasoning for Batman and Superman fighting. "Yo Bats, they got my mom, foo." "Yo word? I love moms. Let's go get her. Btw my mom's dead lol." "Lol." See, I just avoided one of the most arbitrarily forced fights in cinema history. It would have been far more believable if a misguided Batman was temporarily working with Luthor to take down the Man of Steel, or if a misguided Superman was temporarily working with Luthor to take down the Dark Knight. The fight itself was killer, though.
Thematically, I'm mostly on board with Zack Snyder's interpretation of the DC universe. It's gritty realism walks the delightfully thin line of camp and commentary, something few superhero movies have done before. Which is why I wonder what exactly critics want from superhero movies. They say BvS is too dark, yet Nolan's Batman trilogy is infinitely more grim, more hopeless, than anything coming out of Snyder's brain. They say superhero films are too simple, yet seem incapable of following a dream sequence.
The vitriol of critics has been nothing in comparison to that of DC's most ardent fans. Death threats - death threats! - have been issued against many of those involved with BvS. If these dipshits would put down their e-cigs and loosen their fedoras for one fucking minute they would realize that criticism without construction is worthless. I mean, have we forgotten Batman Forever so quickly? Hell, even the Burton Batman films don't really hold up 20+ years later. Focus on what the film did well, and help to build on that. Eviscerating a decent film just because Jesse Eisenberg had a little snot bubble action going (seriously bro, wipe your nose) doesn't help anyone.
I do worry of the future of superhero movies. Growing up, anything related to comic books was disregarded as juvenile and sophomoric. Those of us yearning to see Silver Surfer on the silver screen punching Galactus in the dick were forced to placate ourselves with dreadful live-action adaptations that quickly found their way to VHS bargain bins. Fortunately, the last 15 or so years has seen a superhero movie renaissance. Sure, we had to suffer through Punisher: War Zone and Green Lantern but we also received The Wolverine, The Dark Knight, and Spider-Man 2.
As with any medium superhero films are now past their awkward adolescent phase and are free to pursue more complex and morally ambiguous storytelling. There's no longer a need for every film to be a wink-wink-look-how-fucking-self-aware-we-are-about-making-a-superhero-film origin story wherein the main antagonist is both introduced and dies in under an hour. We can finally have movies where superheroes are a component of the story rather than the crux, movies that use capes as allegory rather than CGI spectacle. My fear, though, is that if a film such as BvS, a film that despite it's shortcomings genuinely tries to move the genre forward, is reduced to ash from the righteous flames of Rotten Tomatoes, then all the progress superhero films have made will be for naught. They shall go the way of the western, with the occasional decent film every five years to remind people that they once enjoyed watching men leap tall buildings in a single bound. I pray that's not the case, because I still really want to see Silver Surfer punch Galactus in the dick.
While I unabashedly enjoyed the film I will be the first to admit that it was ripe with flaws and missed opportunities. However, the world needs another review of BvS like it needs another poorly realized social media app that serves little purpose beyond supporting this generation's infantile infatuation with stupid pop culture touchstones from 15ish years ago. I've decided to take a break from my busy schedule of uploading whenever the fuck I feel like it to discuss not just BvS as a film, but BvS as an event.
The story of Dawn of Justice is, despite being unnecessarily convoluted, pretty easy to follow. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor work in parallel to destroy Superman, Lois Lane reports stuff, Wonder Woman has the difficult task of looking fabulous at all times, Doomsday is bastardized to serve as the movie's end boss. The complexity - or confusion - generated by the movie comes from both poor editing and expecting audiences to not only be familiar with comics, but to have actually read comics. The former is more difficult to defend than the latter. The scenes where Lois Lane was trying to squeeze info from a military dude (my brain says general but my heart says colonel) lasted maybe two minutes of screen time but was stretched out over 45 minutes. Or the dozens of brief and ultimately inconsequential conversations between characters interspersed between heavy-handed exposition.
Part of the reason the film is seen as inaccessible for casual moviegoers is because elements placed for lore or world building for this film would have merely been a light easter egg in a Marvel movie. Audiences, critics in particular, are fine with Adam Warlock's cocoon showing up in Guardians of the Galaxy or the organization A.I.M. being the front for an Iron Man 3 villain because neither of those tidbits are central to understanding their respective films' plots. But if a filthy casual strolls into BvS not knowing who Darkseid is or that the Speed Force allows for time travel or that Lex Luthor is a mad genius first and suave businessman second? Then they will definitely be lost and confused during critical junctures in the story.
Also, fuck the reasoning for Batman and Superman fighting. "Yo Bats, they got my mom, foo." "Yo word? I love moms. Let's go get her. Btw my mom's dead lol." "Lol." See, I just avoided one of the most arbitrarily forced fights in cinema history. It would have been far more believable if a misguided Batman was temporarily working with Luthor to take down the Man of Steel, or if a misguided Superman was temporarily working with Luthor to take down the Dark Knight. The fight itself was killer, though.
Thematically, I'm mostly on board with Zack Snyder's interpretation of the DC universe. It's gritty realism walks the delightfully thin line of camp and commentary, something few superhero movies have done before. Which is why I wonder what exactly critics want from superhero movies. They say BvS is too dark, yet Nolan's Batman trilogy is infinitely more grim, more hopeless, than anything coming out of Snyder's brain. They say superhero films are too simple, yet seem incapable of following a dream sequence.
The vitriol of critics has been nothing in comparison to that of DC's most ardent fans. Death threats - death threats! - have been issued against many of those involved with BvS. If these dipshits would put down their e-cigs and loosen their fedoras for one fucking minute they would realize that criticism without construction is worthless. I mean, have we forgotten Batman Forever so quickly? Hell, even the Burton Batman films don't really hold up 20+ years later. Focus on what the film did well, and help to build on that. Eviscerating a decent film just because Jesse Eisenberg had a little snot bubble action going (seriously bro, wipe your nose) doesn't help anyone.
I do worry of the future of superhero movies. Growing up, anything related to comic books was disregarded as juvenile and sophomoric. Those of us yearning to see Silver Surfer on the silver screen punching Galactus in the dick were forced to placate ourselves with dreadful live-action adaptations that quickly found their way to VHS bargain bins. Fortunately, the last 15 or so years has seen a superhero movie renaissance. Sure, we had to suffer through Punisher: War Zone and Green Lantern but we also received The Wolverine, The Dark Knight, and Spider-Man 2.
As with any medium superhero films are now past their awkward adolescent phase and are free to pursue more complex and morally ambiguous storytelling. There's no longer a need for every film to be a wink-wink-look-how-fucking-self-aware-we-are-about-making-a-superhero-film origin story wherein the main antagonist is both introduced and dies in under an hour. We can finally have movies where superheroes are a component of the story rather than the crux, movies that use capes as allegory rather than CGI spectacle. My fear, though, is that if a film such as BvS, a film that despite it's shortcomings genuinely tries to move the genre forward, is reduced to ash from the righteous flames of Rotten Tomatoes, then all the progress superhero films have made will be for naught. They shall go the way of the western, with the occasional decent film every five years to remind people that they once enjoyed watching men leap tall buildings in a single bound. I pray that's not the case, because I still really want to see Silver Surfer punch Galactus in the dick.
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