Other

Dr. McSassy: Mr. and Mrs. Fries, thank you for coming to my office today to discuss your daughter, Sara.

Nora: Thank you for the minor exposition, Dr. McSassy, we're glad to be here.

Victor: She's glad to be here.

Nora: Victor, please.

Dr. McSassy: Interesting. Sara often talked to me during our meetings how resistant and outright combative you are when discussing Sara's true identity, Mr. Fries.  

Victor: I'm combative because she's not a dragon. I feel like the only one who can see this.

Nora: What Victor meant to say was he is having trouble coming to terms with Sara's status as dragonkin. This is still very new to both of us.

Victor: Well, being a dragon is new but I've seen plenty of crazy in my life to know it when I see it.

Nora: Victor, please. 

Dr. McSassy: Victor - may I call you Victor?

Victor: Mr. Fries.

Dr. McSassy: Victor, dragonkin is a subset of the more overarching otherkin subculture. People who identify as dragonkin, or wolfkin, or elfkin, or what have you, genuinely believe they are dragons, or wolves, or elves. These people have existed for thousands of years. This phenomena is nothing new; what is new, however, is otherkin's willingness to be both seen and heard. No more are they relegated to the shadows. No more are they ostracized for following their beliefs. It is 2016, Victor. The time for otherkin is now.

Victor: Okay, to keep this as short as possible, I was under the impression you were going to cure Sara. It sounds to me like you're enabling her.

Nora: Sara isn't sick! She's just... being a dragon for a little bit.

Victor: She jumped out of her window trying to fly, Nora. When I lectured her that she can't fly because she doesn't have wings, she started spitting on me.

Dr. McSassy: Sara, utilizing her dragon instincts, was attempting to breathe fire on a perceived threat.

Victor: I'm her father.

Nora: I'm her mother!

Dr. McSassy: And I'm her therapist, and I'm telling you Sara is, for all intents and purposes, a dragon.

Nora: Doctor, my only concern-

Victor: You only have one concern?

Nora: My only concern is that Sara may have trouble with kids at school. She starts high school in a few months and I know this can be a difficult time for any teenager, let alone a teenager who is hoarding gold and keeping a watchful eye out for hobbits. Is her dragonkin-yness something we should keep at home, or should I talk to her teachers beforehand to accommodate her transition? 

Dr. McSassy: That is an excellent question, Mrs. Fries. Here's a Good Question Sticker.

Nora: Oh! It's so pretty!

Victor: Aww, I want stickers.

Dr. McSassy: School has proven to be a tricky situation for many otherkin. The most important thing to keep in mind - and you touched on this a bit - is to make sure that at least her home life is stable. Another tactic I have successfully implemented with other dragonkin is to have actors hired to act as peasantry outside the school, so if Sara needs to terrorize a small village to blow off some steam she is more than able to. I actually have an actor in mind, he's part of a troupe that has helped my clients in the past. Have you seen Doctor Who?

Nora: He was in Doctor Who?

Dr. McSassy: No, but he does own the complete box set, so if you want to watch a season just ask.

Victor: Alright, I've had enough. Sara should be obsessing over make up and boys, not scales and knights. Are you going to help my daughter or do we need to find a new therapist?   

Dr. McSassy: I'm beginning to get a better idea of the type of environment that has nurtured Sara's dragon persona to flourish and grow. The type of hostility and almost backwaters mentality I've witnessed today is entirely unacceptable in today's progressive society.

Victor: Oh, so I'm not progressive but Sara is? She talks all the time about how much she hates Jewish people. 

Dr. McSassy: Dragons are vehemently anti-Semitic. It's intrinsic and nothing can be done to change this - very important - aspect of their personality and culture. This is common knowledge.

Nora: Victor, you are sounding like a real asshole right now.   

Victor: Y'know what? You win. Sara's a dragon. She can fly, breathe fire, the whole package. As soon as we get home, I'll watch How to Train Your Dragon for pointers. Thank you, Doctor.

Dr. McSassy: You're being facetious but that's actually a pretty good idea. Toothless is an excellent role model for many dragonkin.

Nora: Again, thank you for meeting with us, Dr. McSassy.

Dr. McSassy: My door is always open. Except when I'm not here, because that would be silly. Now, if you'll excuse me my 12 o'clock should be here soon. I've been trying to convince her for the better part of a year that margarine isn't butter.

Woman in Waiting Room: You lie!