Erotica

James: 1-2-3-thrust! 1-2-3-thrust! 1-2-3-thrust! 1-2-

Mary: What are you doing?

J: I'm having sex with you.

M: No, no I can see that. Why are you counting?

J: To maintain an acceptable rhythm. I've learned that women love a proper rhythm.

M: Ok. Maybe... a faster rhythm?

J: 1-2-thrust?

M: It's a start.

 

[After some gentle thrusting]

J: Are you ok?

M: I'm fine.

J: How is my level of gentleness?

M: It's fine.

J: Should I be more gentle?

M: Less gentle, if anything.

J: If you insist.

[James increases speed of tempo to 1-thrust]

J: Bless you.

M: I didn't sneeze.

J: It looked like you were about to.

M: You say bless you before someone sneezes?

J: Preemptive blessing, yes.

M: Well, not to worry. I won't be sneezing anytime soon.

[Silence]

J: Are you about to sneeze now?

M: I don't think so.

J: Ok.

[Silence]

J: It's just you scrunched up your face a bit, like you were about to sneeze.

M: I'm not abou- HACHOO!

J: Bless you.

[Silence]

M: Thank you. Sorry for sneezing on your face.

J: It's fine. You didn't have a lot of mucus so it wasn't that bad.

M: It's because I took allergy medicine before you came over.

J: Wise. Shall we try a different position?

M: Wouldn't hurt.

J: If it does hurt please do not hesitate to let me know immediately.

[Both move around uncomfortably]

J: What position would you like?

M: Um, I don't know.

J: We could... go back to missionary.

M: Doggy. We will try doggy style.

J: Very well.

 

[Mary rests on her knees, waiting]

J: I am having reservations about this 'doggy style.'

M: What? Why?

J: I just... I just feel it reinforces archaic patriarchal stereotypes and paints you as uncharacteristically submissive.

M: I don't even-

J: You are a strong black woman! You deserve to be treated as such!

M: I'm Thai, actually.

J: Oh.

[Silence]

J: You're Thai?

M: Yes. My parents were born in Pattaya.

J: Well, as a strong cisgender woman of color I feel I am doing you a disservice by employing the doggy style technique.

M: You're not, honest. I assure you I have never felt more liberated than I do now.

J: ...really?

M: Really. This place is a place of love.

J: We are in the Loss Prevention office of a Wal Mart.

 

M: Yes. It is Loss Prevention, not Love Prevention. We are here because we love each other, and because we both had the same schedule today. Now please, would you kindly put your penis back inside my vagina?

[1 minute later]

J: How does it feel?

M: It feels al- HACHOO!

J: Bless you.

M: Thank you.